


Truth

by HixyStix



Series: Return 'verse [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Established Relationship, Hard talks, Kalluzeb From A Certain Point of View, M/M, Post-Canon, Tags Are Hard, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 14:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30090513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HixyStix/pseuds/HixyStix
Summary: “You’ve heard about what the Empire did to Lasan.  You’ve heard what yourAdandid then.”  Papa paused.  “What you don’t know is that I was here, too.  As part of the Empire.”The full force of Papa’s words didn’t hit Tia for a few seconds.  She looked toAdan, who nodded.Papa, her Papa, had been here, on Lasan.  As anImperial.That couldn’t really be true, could it?Tia learns truths about her fathers' pasts.
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios
Series: Return 'verse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149224
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48
Collections: Kalluzeb: From a Certain Point of View ~ challenge





	Truth

**Author's Note:**

> My submission for Sempaiko's FACPOV event! I imagine Tia's about 14 in this one. If it's unclear, Kallus is Papa and Zeb is _Adan_.
> 
> This also fulfills my FACPOV OC square for 2021 Kalluzeb Bingo.
> 
> Thanks, as always, to Semp for support and encouragement writing this and to nefariosity for being a wonderful beta!
> 
> Also as always, I have used some of Anath_Tsurugi's Lasana. Here are the translations:  
> Adan – father  
> Djaman – aunt  
> Djadan – uncle  
> Zami – grandmother  
> Ni kyra – sweetheart  
> Aki’a – brat

Grabbing her books from the table, Tia started stuffing them in her school satchel. Why hadn’t she done all this the night before like she should have? All her siblings were already gone, off to the lower school, but Tia had to make a fifteen minutes’ walk in ten if she didn’t want to be late to hers.

Papa stopped in the doorway, on his way back in from seeing the others off. “Don’t worry about that, Tia,” he said, his Lasana deeply accented, as always.

Tia frowned, confused. “I’m gonna be late, Papa.” Papa _hated_ it when they were late for anything. Maybe he was going to offer to take her in the landspeeder?

“No, you’re not,” he said, and she noticed his skin was pinker than normal, as if _Adan_ had been teasing him, but _Adan_ wasn’t around. “You’re staying home today. So are we. We need to talk to you.”

“O-kaaay?” Tia stretched out the word as she tried to figure out what she was in trouble for. Papa and _Adan_ had never kept _any_ of them home like this, so it had to be something big. Nothing came to mind, but she did remember that her fathers had been up late the night before, still talking when she snuck out of her room for some water around midnight.

“You’re not in trouble,” said _Adan_ , coming down the stairs. He looked serious, belying his words.

“Then why do I feel ambushed?” she asked.

 _Adan_ laughed, but Papa just pursed his lips. “Let’s go sit down,” Papa suggested.

Tia set down her satchel, leaving it on the table, and followed _Adan_ into the den. He pointed her to his usual chair, a large, brightly colored overstuffed thing, and sat down on the couch. Papa sat next to him.

Both Papa and _Adan_ looked tired, which was no surprise considering how late they’d been up. Papa was still pink, looking almost nervous, an expression Tia didn’t see from him often. He ran a hand through his hair – starting to turn silver at the edges, which she’d been told was a human thing. Papa was self-conscious about that, and about the solid splotch of silver in his beard, just to the right of his mouth. Tia agreed with _Adan_ , though: Papa’s hair was light enough to start with that Tia never noticed the color change unless she looked for it.

 _Adan_ was starting to age, too; in the last two years, his stripes had begun to lighten in color, dulling from a deep, bold purple. He hadn’t slowed down any, however, and still ran around the park chasing the youngest of Tia’s siblings before teaching the older ones – Tia included – how to use a bo-rifle. He was usually jovial, prone to good-natured teasing, but every now and then Tia would catch him in a dark mood. When those happened, only Papa would approach him.

Despite his laughter a moment before, _Adan_ seemed to be nearly in one of those dark moods. He looked back at Tia, mouth set in a frown, one hand holding tightly to both of Papa’s.

Papa looked at _Adan_ and _Adan_ looked at Papa. Tia knew they were silently communicating; they’d been able to do that her whole life. Sometimes she wondered if they had a touch of the Ashla in them, like Jacen did, but they both denied it and said they just knew each other that well.

Someday, they promised, Tia would find someone she understood like that, whether it was someone she loved, a best friend, or someone who was both. She hoped that was true and that she wouldn’t have to wait as long as her fathers had to find each other.

“Tiankal,” said _Adan_ after a moment.

She sat up straight at the use of her full name, feeling like she was in trouble yet again.

“Tia,” he said again, letting her relax a bit. “You’ve learned in school about the last civil war? The Empire and the Rebellion? The New Republic?”

“Yes, Adan.” There was no way she could have _not_ learned about it. Every year, it was part of history class, from the rise of the Emperor to the fall of Lasan to the Rebellion forming and then winning. 

She knew both _Adan_ and Papa had fought in the Rebellion before settling down on Lasan with her. She also knew they didn’t talk much about those days, even when asked, except to tell stories of people they missed.

“We’ve told you a little bit about what we did during it,” _Adan_ continued. “And told you that we met because of the Rebellion.”

“Yes,” Tia repeated. Her eyes narrowed a bit; for the first time, it hit her that _Adan_ said ‘because of’ the Rebellion, not ‘in’ the Rebellion. “Are you going to tell me more about being a Ghost?”

“A Spectre,” _Adan_ corrected. “Our ship was the _Ghost_. And yes, a little. First, though, I want to tell you about what I did before I met your _Djaman_ Hera and _Djadan_ Kanan.”

Tia leaned forward a little. She’d never been told about that. All she knew was that _Adan_ and his _Zami_ had escaped the Imperial attack on Lasan and that a few years after, _Adan_ joined the _Ghost_ crew.

 _Adan_ started talking slowly. “I was Honor Guard Captain, you know. And I was at the palace when it exploded.”

“But not in it,” Tia said.

“Right.” Adan nodded, squeezing Papa’s hands tighter. “I was knocked out by the blast, and when I woke up, I was on a ship with my _Zami_.”

“And you went to the Outer Rim.” Tia had been told this much before. Were they going to tell her anything new?

“Not just the Outer Rim,” _Adan_ said. “After my _Zami_ died, I went to Hutt Space.”

Tia frowned. She didn’t know much about Hutt Space, except that it was supposed to be bad. “Why?”

“Because I had to hide from the Empire,” _Adan_ said. “I also needed credits, so I became a gladiator and fought other beings for money.”

Tia listened wide-eyed as _Adan_ explained how he spent years fighting, working to forget everything that had happened on Lasan, thinking he’d fight until he died. _Wanting_ to fight until he died. Papa watched _Adan_ talk, too, looking sadder than even Tia felt. She wondered if he knew something she didn’t.

“Tia?”

She looked back at _Adan_ , who was watching her carefully. “Yes?”

“Is hearing this too much for you?” _Adan_ asked. “We both agreed you were old enough to hear about these things, but if you don’t want to…”

“No.” Tia shook her head. Mysteries she hadn’t even known were mysteries were being solved. She was realizing that every time she’d ever asked about her fathers’ pasts, they’d redirected the conversation or talked about happy things. These new things were not happy. “I’m old enough,” she insisted.

“Good,” said Papa, switching to Basic. He turned to her without letting go of _Adan_ ’s hand. “Because this is the hard part.”

“For both of you,” _Adan_ murmured, also in Basic.

Tia saw it was true for Papa; he was tense. They didn’t speak Basic among themselves all that much anymore, except when Papa had trouble finding the right words in Lasana. This must be why he was pink: he _was_ upset, just not at her.

But what was going to be so hard for _her_?

There was silence as Papa gathered his thoughts. That wasn’t unusual; he always liked to think about what he was going to say, especially when it was of import. “You’ve heard about what the Empire did to Lasan. You’ve heard what your _Adan_ did then.” Papa bit his lip, pausing. “What you don’t know is that I was here, too. As part of the Empire.”

The full force of Papa’s words didn’t hit Tia for a few seconds. She looked to _Adan_ , who nodded.

Papa, her _Papa_ , had been here, on Lasan. As an _Imperial._ But he couldn’t have done much, could he? Not her overprotective and kind Papa. They– the other lasat wouldn’t let him live with them if he had, right? _Adan_ wouldn’t love him if he had, right?

And _Adan_ definitely loved Papa, so it couldn’t really be true.

“Were– were you a pilot?” she asked. Papa was good at flying their ship, the _Glimmer_ , and a pilot would have just dropped off stormtroopers, not shot at anyone. Maybe that was it.

“No, _Tia’ika_ , I wasn’t.” Papa’s voice was sad, sadder than she’d ever heard it. “I worked for the ISB, the Imperial Security Bureau. I wasn’t in command of everyone, but I was in charge of a stormtrooper platoon. I– I gave orders. I helped kill people in the village I was assigned to. I did what I was told to by the Empire because I thought it was the right thing to do.”

Tia’s stomach lurched a little as Papa’s words sank in. She’d never really heard of the ISB, but if the rest of what Papa said was true…

It was too much.

She got up quickly, running upstairs to her room, slamming her door behind her. She curled up on the bed, holding tight to the stuffed bantha she’d had since she was little, the one she told everyone she was too old to need.

She needed it now.

Mind racing, Tia tried to reconcile the images in her mind of her Papa – Papa who loved her _Adan_ , who adored her and her siblings, who fixed droids with her cousin Avirinkar, who left little cakes at the memorial wall every month, who fit into Ithdasira _so well_ – with someone who could have participated in a near-genocide. He said he’d been in a village, so he hadn’t tried to kill Papa or _Djaman_ Vashtyr and _Djadan_ Kafzyr, but…

That just meant he hadn’t had the chance to. Not that he wouldn’t have.

Shakily, it occurred to her that if it was true, if _she’d_ been alive then, if she’d been in that village, then Papa would have tried to kill _her_.

She remembered times when they were out, when other lasat had given Papa dirty looks. _Adan_ had always joked that they were just jealous of him landing such a handsome mate, but now… maybe _this_ was the reason why. Maybe they knew what Papa had done.

Tears wet the fur on her face and the synthfur of her bantha, uncomfortably damp, but she couldn’t stop.

Her ears twitched, hyper-aware, while she cried. Tia heard _Adan_ walk up the stairs, slowly, and then stop outside her door. He didn’t knock; they both knew he didn’t need to announce his presence.

“ _Adan_?” she sniffled, giving him permission to enter.

The door swooshed to the side and _Adan_ came in. Slowly, with a gentle look on his face, he sat next to Tia and pulled her close to him. He smelled like tears, too – Papa’s tears. 

“You okay, _ni kyra_?” _Adan_ asked softly, rubbing her back with his claws.

She shook her head, wiping at her eyes to no avail. “Papa didn’t really…?”

 _Adan_ sighed. “He did. But–”

“How could you be mates with him if he did all that?” she interrupted.

 _Adan_ gave the top of her head a kiss and she felt him smile. How could he _smile_? “You’ve only heard the first part of the story, Tia. There’s a lot more to it. It gets worse before it gets better, but it _does_ get better. You’ll see, if you give your Papa a chance to finish.”

“Really?”

“I promise.”

Tia looked up at _Adan._ “Did you know what Papa had done when you fell in love?”

 _Adan_ smiled sadly. “I did. I knew almost everything he’d done because he tried to talk me out of being friends with him, much less loving him. He didn’t think he deserved it.”

“But you did anyway?” Tia sniffled again, her tears drying up.

“I saw a different Papa than he did. Than you do, even,” _Adan_ said. “The Alexsandr Kallus I saw was brave and true to his convictions. He put himself in danger and worked himself to exhaustion to make up for what he’d done, was willin’ to accept any punishment others thought he deserved. But you’ll hear all this if you come back down and let him finish.”

“You promise it gets better?” Tia asked.

“I do,” _Adan_ said, giving her another kiss. “Come on down when you’re ready.”

Tia watched him go, leaving the door open behind him, and listened to him walk back downstairs.

 _“Is she all right?”_ came Papa’s voice, soft and miserable.

“ _She will be. She’s strong, just like you_ ,” _Adan_ answered. A squeak as he sat down on the couch next to Papa.

“ _Don’t compare her to me,_ ” Papa said. “ _She might not like that anymore._ ”

“ _We knew this wasn’t gonna be easy, for any of us. Just give her a little time. She’ll be back down here to listen._ ” There was a pause and then Tia could hear the disapproval in her _Adan_ ’s voice. “ _And don’t you start on that ‘you shouldn’t have forgiven me’ rancor shit again. You know what I think of that_.”

Tia heard another squeak and the sound of Papa pacing. “ _I’m going to make some tea_ ,” Papa said. “ _I really need a drink, but I’d better stick with tea_.”

 _Adan_ chuckled, soft and low.

Tia waited, listening to Papa prepare tea – it sounded like he was making enough for all of them – and thought.

 _Adan_ was right; she’d only heard part of the story. The part she’d heard was bad, painted Papa as a very bad person.

But that wasn’t the Papa she knew. The Papa she knew was careful not to hurt anyone else. He pretended to be the strict one, but Tia knew she could always come to him if she got in trouble. He’d help her get out of it quietly, while _Adan_ would be loud about it. He brought home gifts for them all ‘just because’. He fell asleep in his chair every night with Tiki and Churr, their tookas, stretched out across his lap.

Papa loved her. Papa loved all of them. Tia believed that, deep down.

 _Adan_ wanted her to finish listening to Papa’s story. She could do that much.

Tia wiped her eyes and waited a minute for her fur to mostly dry before she crept back downstairs.

Papa was in the kitchen, leaning back against the counter while three big mugs of tea steeped next to him. One hand covered his eyes and he was breathing slowly and deliberately.

Hearing her, he dropped his hand and caught her eye. His face was splotchy, dark pink cheeks and ears and red eyes. He’d been crying, too, Tia could tell. “ _Tia’ika_ …” he said softly.

“Papa.” Tia bit her lip. “I’m sorry I ran off.”

Papa shook his head. “No, it was a lot for you to digest. It’s all right.” He picked up a mug and held it out for her. “We can quit, if you like.”

Tia approached carefully, almost nervously, and she could tell Papa noticed. His face changed just the slightest bit to something rueful, but his hand didn’t waver. Tia took the mug and held it in both hands, feeling the heat spread to her fingers.

“No,” she said, trying to keep her voice from wavering. “ _Adan_ said there’s more. I want to know.”

“Good girl,” _Adan_ said, ruffling her hair as he walked past. He kissed Papa on the forehead and grabbed his own mug of tea. He settled in next to Papa, propping himself up against the conservator.

Papa held his tea up to his nose and breathed deeply, eyes closed. When he opened them again, he seemed a little calmer. “Do you have any questions so far?”

Tia thought for a minute. “How could you work for the Empire? Didn’t you know it was bad?”

“In hindsight, I see that. But, Tia, I didn’t back then,” he said. “I worked hard for the Empire because I _thought_ I was doing the right thing. I _thought_ the Empire was bringing order and peace and it would all be worth it in the end. I– I wasn’t a good person, but I _thought_ I was.”

 _Adan_ snorted. “He was the most arrogant prick I’d ever met.”

Papa looked at him, scandalized. “Garazeb, language!”

“What?” _Adan_ gestured to Tia. “She’s heard worse. And it’s the truth.”

“How _did_ you meet?” Tia asked. “If _Adan_ was a Rebel all along and you were Imperial, Papa?”

“The same way any Rebel and Imperial meet: in battle,” Papa said. “First, though, let me go back a little, before I was ever on Lasan.”

Tia nodded, sipping at her drink. 

“You’ve seen my scars, yes?” Papa said, briefly raising his shirt with one hand to expose the pale scars striping his stomach. When Tia answered in the affirmative, he continued, “One of my very first missions as an ISB agent was to the planet Onderon to fight an uprising led by Saw Gerrera. You’ve heard of him, right?”

Tia nodded again. He was a Rebel, but not a nice one. Not part of the Alliance.

“He hired mercenaries to fight for him. One of them was a lasat, the first one I’d ever seen. He killed all my unit and tried to kill me too, but he didn’t finish the job.” Papa’s knuckles were white where he gripped the mug. 

Tea forgotten for the time being, Tia listened raptly as Papa talked about why that lasat made him want to participate in the attack on Lasan. _Want_ _to_. 

He talked about being scared of lasat. It was hard to imagine that now. Papa didn’t usually call attention to the fact that they were different species, that he was human and not lasat, so Tia didn’t think about it either. He was just Papa.

Or he was supposed to be, Tia thought darkly.

“While I was here on Lasan, I fought one of the Honor Guard. Djen Olus, the one I leave cakes for,” Papa explained. “We fought fairly and he gave me his bo-rifle in the _Boosahn Keeraw_ before he died. I carried that bo-rifle for years and trained with it. I wanted to be sure that I could always beat any lasat I ever met, so they’d never have a chance to hurt me again.”

“Until you met _Adan_?”

 _Adan_ huffed and sipped his tea.

Papa’s mouth twitched into an almost-smile. “No. The first time _Adan_ and I fought with bo-rifles – which I brought with me only because I knew he was a lasat – I almost killed him. I would have, if it hadn’t been for Ezra. He saved your _Adan_.”

“I hated your Papa,” _Adan_ said. “He taunted me about being part of what happened here. He chased my _Ghost_ family and tried to kill or capture all of us for two years. He was a complete and total bastard to us and to everyone around him.”

“I was,” Papa agreed. “I participated in all sorts of horrible things, from assassinations to starving out people sympathetic to the Rebellion to torture. And the whole time, I thought I was _right_.”

“What changed?” Tia asked, looking between the two of them.

“Bahryn,” they said, almost in unison.

“It’s one of Geonosis’ moons,” explained Papa. “I sprung a trap on the Spectres, or at least I tried to. What happened was that your _Adan_ and I ended up in an escape pod together and that pod crashed on Bahryn.”

“He was hurt – his leg – so I didn’t kill him,” _Adan_ said. “Wouldn’ta been honorable.”

“It was more mercy than I would have shown him,” admitted Papa. They exchanged a glance and Tia saw some more of that silent communication.

“I pushed him to ask questions,” _Adan_ said.

“He saved my life,” Papa said. “Multiple times.”

“An’ you saved mine.”

Their voices had lightened, almost casual now. Almost as if it were a joke. Tia frowned. “You saved each others’ lives, but you hated each other?”

“Mostly.” Papa wet his lips. “By that time, my hatred had become a grudging respect. I still wanted to kill him, but I knew he was a warrior and I wanted to do it myself, up close in battle, not a cheap shot from a distance.”

“But the important bit is that he went back and _did_ start askin’ questions,” _Adan_ said.

“I did,” Papa said. “I never would have if your _Adan_ hadn’t pushed me to, but I started to see the Empire for what it really was.”

“So you became a Rebel.” Tia breathed easier. That was safer territory.

Papa shook his head, pushing his hair out of his face after. “No. I didn’t defect just yet, but I did become a spy for the Rebellion. I was a Fulcrum spy.”

 _Fulcrum_. Tia had heard that. “ _Djaman_ Hera calls you that.”

 _Adan_ grinned. “Yup. He stayed a Fulcrum agent for most all of the war.”

“But you were a real spy?” That seemed like something from a holodrama, not real life. Not her Papa.

He nodded. “I spent about a year spying. I” –he took a deep breath– “I planned to spy until I was caught and killed. It was the only way I could think of to make up for all the evil things I’d done.”

 _Adan_ shook his head, frowning, breathing in the vapors from his tea.

“What happened?” Tia asked. “Obviously you didn’t die. Did _Adan_ save you?”

“I shoulda,” _Adan_ said. “We tried, but the idiot wouldn’t leave.”

“I was still able to help the Rebellion,” Papa argued. “I did get caught, by Grand Admiral Thrawn. I got away from him during a battle and my escape pod got picked up by the _Ghost_.”

Tia had heard of Grand Admiral Thrawn. He was one of the few nonhumans to rise high in the Empire. He’d disappeared with Ezra years back but Ezra always refused to talk to her about what happened to Thrawn while they were missing.

“What your Papa isn’t saying is that Thrawn tortured him,” _Adan_ said. “Tortured him, made him watch as they attacked our base. Killed a lot of our people, but your Papa had gotten us word just in time so that we were able to fight back. If it hadn’t been for him, Thrawn woulda caught us off guard and probably slaughtered us.”

Papa pulled at his shirtsleeves, tugging them down over his hands. Tia couldn’t help but look. She’d seen most of Papa’s scars, but she also knew he was self-conscious about them. She’d never known some of them came from a lasat, though it seemed obvious in hindsight – four stripes meant four fingers. But there were also the smaller scars, the lightning ones and the blaster burns and more. She’d wondered about them, but if he’d been tortured…

That made sense.

She didn’t want to think about that, though. 

Tia looked at _Adan_. “So you liked him after that?”

 _Adan_ laughed. “A little. It took a while for him to really grow on me. I had to see him working to change.”

“He was about my only ally that first year with the Rebellion,” Papa said. “I eventually made others, but your _Adan_ was my first and closest friend. We weren’t really encouraged to have friends in the Empire, so he had to show me what friendship meant.”

 _Adan_ smiled at Papa, running claws through his hair. “He’s a little slow sometimes,” _Adan_ joked. “I don’t think he figured out he really had friends until Hera plunked Jacen in his arms and told him to babysit.”

“I was even slower than that,” Papa said, staring at _Adan_. “Your _Adan_ tried to kiss me when we met up after the battle of Hoth, but I managed to convince myself it meant nothing. Same when he kissed me after the battle of Endor. It took me a while to realize that he loved me, too.”

“It took Kafzyr shooting him with a slugthrower,” _Adan_ grumbled, though he was still smiling.

Tia held up her hands. “Wait. You told me you got shot when you first landed on Lasan. That was _Djadan_ Kafzyr?” As she spoke, she realized she was wrong. It had been Papa’s second landing on Lasan. A shiver ran through her and she struggled again to imagine her Papa doing the things he said he had.

“The one and only,” _Adan_ said, finally looking at her again.

Tia was quiet, studying Papa, and he stood there quietly, not quite meeting her eyes, as if he was waiting for her to pronounce a sentence on him. “You really did all those things?” she asked. “Assassination? Trying to kill _Adan_? You really thought it was good?”

“I did,” Papa said softly. “Tia, there’s a reason I let your _Adan_ make most of the big decisions about our lives. It’s because, left on my own without him there to guide me, I made bad ones. I chose to join the Empire when I could have taken the skills I learned at the Academy and gotten a civilian job. I could have refused orders here on Lasan, but I didn’t–”

“You woulda been killed for it,” _Adan_ interrupted.

“I could have done a lot of things differently, but it took _Adan_ coming into my life for me to start making good decisions.” Papa sighed sadly. 

“It wasn’t me,” _Adan_ said. “It was the Ashla.”

They were back on firmer ground now. Tia had heard her fathers joking about the Ashla bringing them together, but hadn’t ever taken it seriously. But maybe they _were_ being serious. “The Ashla?”

“You know that I found the path to Lira San, right?” _Adan_ waited for her to nod. “The other half of that story is that we found Lira San while your Papa was chasing us. We’ve told you about Chava; she was there and invoked an ancient prophecy involving a Warrior and a Child. Papa was the Warrior and I was the Child of Lasan.”

Prophecy? That seemed far-fetched. “There was a prophecy?” she asked, skeptical. “With both of you in it?”

Both of her fathers managed a laugh. “She _definitely_ takes after you,” Papa said.

“That’s what I thought, too,” _Adan_ said, grinning toothily. “But the Ashla led us to Lira San while your Papa tried to catch us and then later, we fit more of the prophecy when I saved him on Bahryn.”

“And then again later when we returned to Lasan,” Papa added. “Chava had lots of prophecies.”

Tia realized her tea sat on the island before her, forgotten. She took a sip – lukewarm – while she thought.

She’d seen both her fathers angry before, of course. She’d gotten in trouble or they’d been mad at each other over something, but that was just _anger_. It wasn’t rage or hatred or any of the things she’d always imagined Imperials had to have felt.

Picturing Papa like that was difficult. That was her biggest stumbling block: imagining him watching someone be tortured. Picturing him with a snarl instead of the warm smile he always gave her. Thinking of him as Imperial – cold and hateful and dangerous.

Well, dangerous she could sort of picture. Papa and _Adan_ still sparred with each other using bo-rifles from time to time and she remembered watching them do it more often when she was little. She’d always thought it was just for fun.

(“ _It’s a dance, Tia’ika,_ ” Papa said if she ever got scared they would hurt each other. “ _It’s a dance and we both know the steps._ ”)

But now she knew there was more to it. That at one point, they _had_ fought to hurt each other. To try to kill each other.

It didn’t seem like such a great dance anymore.

“Tia?”

She looked up at Papa.

“Do you have any questions?”

Of course she did. Tia wanted to know _why_ Papa ever believed in the Empire. Why _Adan_ forgave him. If the rest of Lasan knew what she and her siblings hadn’t. Everything else that they weren’t telling her.

“Not really, Papa,” she lied.

They both gave her a look and she knew they saw through her.

“What’s bothering you the most?” _Adan_ asked.

Tia shook her head. “I– I guess I’m having trouble thinking of you” –she indicated Papa– “as an Imperial.”

Papa looked down at himself. He was tall for a human and still lean, but he was softer around the edges than he’d been when Tia was little. “I didn’t look like this,” he said. “I looked like a model Imperial. I don’t have any holos of me back then, though.”

 _Adan_ held up a finger. “I do,” he said.

Papa frowned. “ _How_ would you have a holo of me then? Unless Chopper recorded us fighting?”

“Nope.” _Adan_ grabbed his datapad from the den and pulled up his collection of holos, flipping through them. “Chopper _did_ record this for me, though.”

The holo _Adan_ stopped on was a news bulletin. The print said that ISB Agent Alexsandr Kallus had been kidnapped by Rebels and there was a reward for information leading to his rescue.

More than the article, the figure in the sidebar got Tia’s attention. It didn’t register for a minute that the slowly rotating image was _Papa_ , shown from the waist up.

He was _thin_ , not just lean, in a dark uniform with hair slicked back in a way Tia had never seen. She’d never seen him scowl like that, either. His mouth was downturned, extremely unhappy, but his eyes said he was more furious than sad. His beard wasn’t exactly a beard; it just covered his cheeks, not around his mouth.

It was like looking at a stranger.

Tia’s eyes darted between the holo and Papa, trying to reconcile the two.

“You saved _that_?” Papa said, sounding exasperated. “Delete it.”

“No,” said _Adan_. 

“Are you keeping it to remind yourself where I came from?”

“I’m keepin’ it because no one thought to take a holo of you after Atollon, and I wanna remember what you looked like when you were first Fulcrum.”

Papa huffed. “No one took a holo after Atollon because I’d just been tortured and Hera was trying to get us all to safety at Yavin IV. I was all cut up and beaten!”

 _Adan_ grinned. “And it was kinda hot.”

Papa stared at him incredulously for a moment before snatching the datapad from _Adan_ ’s hands. Shaking his head, he held it out to Tia. “That’s what I looked like when I was younger. The article is a lie, though. I was never kidnapped, but they couldn’t say a top ISB agent had defected. It would have shaken faith in the Empire.”

Tia studied the picture some more. She could see the resemblance when she looked at it up close. “ _Adan_ ’s right,” she said. “You looked like an arrogant prick.”

 _Adan_ snorted laughing while Papa frowned – not a deep frown like in the holo, but one that said _Adan_ would be in trouble later.

“Do you have any more questions?” Papa asked gently. “You can ask anything, you know. Even if you don’t think of it until later.”

“Why did you join the Empire in the first place?” Tia asked. “What was the ISB?”

Papa nodded and chewed his lip for a moment. “The ISB was like a police force, except we didn’t go after regular criminals,” he said. “Our job was to find and quash rebellion and dissent. Anyone who said anything bad about the Empire, we arrested. We hoped to stamp out rebellion that way.”

“They were really just makin’ rebellion go underground,” _Adan_ added. “People like me were still there, causin’ problems where we could, helpin’ people where we could.”

“He’s right,” Papa said. “What the ISB was trying to do doesn’t really work. It scares people, but it makes them hate you even more, so you end up creating more problems for yourself.”

“Didn’t you know that?” Tia asked.

Papa laughed softly. “Tia, you’ve learned enough about the Empire to answer that. The Emperor _wanted_ to rule through fear. He just disguised it as law and order.” He hung his head. “And I bought into it.”

“Why?”

Papa took a moment to answer. “I grew up on Coruscant, which was the capital of both the Old Republic and the Empire.”

Tia nodded; she knew that much.

“I saw, when I was little, the hypocrisy of the Republic and it made me angry. Angry enough that when the Republic fell and Chancellor Palpatine became Emperor Palpatine, I believed him. I was just a little older than you are now and I believed him when he said the Jedi had corrupted the Republic and needed to die. I believed him when he promised peace and order and a united galaxy. I thought he was right and I wanted to do everything I could to help him.”

 _Adan_ reached over and squeezed Papa’s shoulder.

Papa continued. “The truth was, I hadn’t seen anything except Coruscant. It’s not a good place to live unless you’re very rich and my family was very poor. I thought the Emperor would fix that, would bring us out of poverty and make us equal to the rich families. I thought he would do that everywhere.”

“He didn’t,” _Adan_ said. “He just made it worse.”

“He made it worse, but he successfully blamed it on sedition and rebellion and nonhumans, which just made me want to work harder. If Rebels and nonhumans were standing between me and a better galaxy, I wanted to get rid of them all.”

Tia sipped at her tepid drink some more, taking it all in. “You sound like you were a fanatic.”

Papa nodded. “I was, you’re right. The training I got in the Empire was also brainwashing. It’s why it took me so long to realize I was wrong.” He took a swallow of his own nearly-forgotten tea. “Once I was free of that, I never wanted to be so devoted to another group that I lost who I was. I held myself back from the Rebellion. I worked hard for them, but I kept my skepticism. Except for our family, I haven’t given myself completely to anyone or anything since then.”

“Why did you forgive him, _Adan_?”

 _Adan_ stood up straighter. “First off, he apologized and meant it. He changed his behavior and meant it. He became someone completely different: his real self, not his Imperial-brainwashed self. And I liked who he became. _Loved_ who he became. Still do.”

They exchanged another glance, this one softer and more like what Tia was used to.

It was too sappy; she made a face. Parents were _so annoying_ sometimes.

 _Adan_ laughed and Papa cracked a smile. 

“Someday, _aki’a_ , you’ll be glad you have parents who love each other,” _Adan_ said teasingly.

“Despite their inauspicious meeting,” Papa added.

 _Adan_ looked at the chrono on the wall. “It’s not yet midmorning,” he said. “And we’re keepin’ you out the whole day.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this last night and send me to school today?” Tia asked.

“Because we thought you’d want time to process all of this,” Papa said. “It’s a lot to throw at you all at once.”

“That’s all true,” _Adan_ said, “but I was thinkin’ maybe we need to go out to eat breakfast, the three of us. We’ll keep answerin’ any of your questions but let’s do it over food.”

Papa eyed _Adan_. “You’re just hungry, aren’t you?”

 _Adan_ shrugged, a smile crossing his face. “Aren’t _you_?”

Huffing, Papa shook his head, but he smiled as well. “I suppose I could be talked into it.”

“Good.” _Adan_ gestured for Tia to go to the coat rack. “Get ready and we’ll go.”

They continued bickering as Tia grabbed a jacket and handed her fathers theirs. It was as if they hadn’t just had a serious conversation, the way they slipped back into teasing and needling each other.

She watched as Papa grabbed _Adan_ by the ears and pulled him down into a kiss. It wasn’t a long one, thankfully, but she did hear Papa whisper something after it.

“Thank you for backing me up. That went better than I thought.”

 _Adan_ grinned. “You mean I was right? She is old enough?”

Papa shook his head. “She’s mature enough.”

“I wanna hear you say it. I was right.”

“Zeb.”

“Say it.”

Papa and _Adan_ stared at each other for a few moments, until Tia stomped her toes on the ground. “You two are _horrible_ ,” she said.

They grinned guiltily. Papa pointed at the door. “Let’s go,” he said, leading the way.

 _Adan_ followed him. “You still need to say it.”

Another huff. “Fine. You were right. Are you happy now?”

“Yes!”

Tia looked at the datapad on the counter one more time, where the holo of Papa as an Imperial still floated, then to the conservator, where a holo of the _Ghost_ crew hung, probably taken around the same time.

It was hard to imagine her fathers _hating_ each other, much less trying to kill each other and meaning it. She might never fully get what happened between them, she realized.

That was okay, though, Tia thought. The important thing was that they loved each other now. They loved her and her siblings. Whatever the war put them through, they came out of it as good people.

That, she could understand.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr ([hixystix](https://hixystix.tumblr.com/) & [x-wing-junkie](https://x-wing-junkie.tumblr.com/)) or twitter ([@fandomhixystix](https://twitter.com/fandomhixystix)) and flail over Rebels and Kalluzeb! New friends always welcome!


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